To My “Dreams”

"Dream" means different things to different people. Am I supposed to write to that thing that happens when I sleep and barely remember when I wake up? Not sure if I would be able to make sense of that. Especially the one with the fireball chasing me. Dream Me is surprisingly athletic though!! Leaping tall buildings, tuckin' and rollin' through the streets, ducking behind anything that keeps me away from Mr. Fireball. Yea….Dream Me is straight out of a video game!! It's pretty sweet….except for the huge gianormous fireball.

Do I write to my childhood aspirations? I wanted to be a princess and a seamstress and a teacher and Janet Jackson.

One of those is definitely NOT going to happen.

I hate to admit it, but somewhere along the way…..I kinda lost you. At one point, I used to believe I could have it ALL.  I want(ed) to be the biggest music executive in the industry. The next Quincy Jones….the next Puffy! Why? Just because I wanted to.

I love(d) you Music. I remember the days when I would sit in front of Momma's stereo for hours on end listening to you. That stereo was huge! It had a radio, a record player AND an eight track tape player!! Then I discovered Video Soul with Donnie Simpson…..I'd never seen a black man with green eyes before. All the stars and celebrities would sit on his couch and talk about you. You got me in trouble though Music! Momma wanted to watch the news….I wanted to hear more about you. I said the wrong thing….trying to be close to you. I got a whoopin'…..but I still loved you. My piano lessons made us that much more closer. You were flowing from my heart and my head and my fingers, and not too shabbily if I do say so myself!!! And when I got to Chicago….they had this station called "The Box"!!!! OMG!!! Nanna wouldn't give me money to order more of you….but I watched you day in and day out nonetheless.

I had BIG plans for you Music. Notebooks and notebooks of celebrity sketches and business plans and business logos……all before I was 17! The vision was plain upon the tables…literally! Anybody coulda ran with it…..

Unfortunately, life got in between us my friend. Nanna didn't want me to leave Chicago for college. DePaul only sweetened the deal by giving me a full ride. I wanted to go somewhere where I could really study you. Talking to the "wrong" people began to squash the dream. "They" told me to be stable. "They" figured out that I was good with numbers, thus "you should be an accountant" was pumped into my spirit. And here I am…..desperately trying to get out of the box others have created for me. I keep trying to tell the world I'm an artist in my heart! Definitely not a bean counter. But nobody hears me.

*sigh*

I'll admit that I didn't put up much of a fight, but you didn't help much either. I lost my passion and so did you! You changed on me Music. You went from being about the soul to being all about the Benjamins…..and that wasn't cool. Now I just listen to the radio or watch videos in disgust, and I wonder what happened to my friend…the one I wanted to make a life with.

Anyway....I miss you.  I hope you come back to me...

Love,

~Me-Shell-A