Did You Just Kidnap Me??

Most people have random things happen to them once or twice a lifetime……

Me...... I think it's more like once or twice a month. I think God tries to help give me things to write about....

Soooo..... Here's my overly random event for May:

I lose my debit card at least once every other  week.  Since this was my on week (or off week depending on how you look at it), I had to actually go IN to the bank and talk to a HUMAN being to get some cash.

So I make a check out to myself and look for the tellers. I must have looked confused because Lobby Dude at Chase politely asked me if needed help.  I told him what I needed and he said follow me.....

......now it gets funny....

#1 Lobby Dude proceeds to ask me about five questions too many . Do you have an account with us? What are you doing today? Concert? What concert? Who are you going to see? What size are your shoes? What's your blood type? Paper or plastic? I'll give him that first one, but really, every question after that was irrelevant to the task at hand.

#2 Why am I going over the river and through the woods and a maze of cubicles to get my money? We just bypassed a gang of tellers and this ain't even your cube Lobby Dude!! Name on the desk says Kyle... Your name is Chip! Something is increasingly wrong with this scenario..... Have I just been kidnapped by Chase???

#3  Lobby Dude..... Why is your left eyebrow half blond and half brown?  It reminded me of Rogue from X-men. She was electrocuted…......  What happened to you?

***Yea... I said LEFT eyebrow..... HALF blond, HALF brown!  I can't make this stuff up people!

Lobby Dude sits me down in the cubicle to “update my contact info”.  Work number is obsolete at this point.  Stupid economy....

Two seconds after I tell Lobby Dude I’m not working right now, he begins to sell me on ALLLLL the stuff I qualify for....

Seriously Lobby Dude??? Are you MFN kidding me? The last thing I need is another credit card..... Especially from Chase! No thank you!!

By this time here comes Joe, the Small Business Dude (SBD), waving my cash. Did they have to dig in the vault to get my 50 bucks??? And this is obviously a team effort.  This is taking way too long…..

Give us us free Chase Bank!! Give us us free!!

SBD goes into his Easter speech about what he does.

Thanks SBD.  If I EVVVVVVVVERRRRR decide to open up a business EVER in life I'mma come to you.

Exit SBD. Enter Jeremy.

Sigh. I HAVE been kidnapped by Chase Bank!!

Cell phone is going off in my purse...."Where the heck are you Michelle??"  I can hear the voice mails now...

….And who and WHERE is Kyle ‘cause we just all up and through HIS cubicle?!?!?

Jeremy asks what's going on and I say, “Your boy is trying to sell me on a credit card....” Lobby Dude smiles uncomfortably..... Jeremy says, “He's not trying to sell you!”

Uhhhh…. yea you are!!  And I just said I don't have a job right now.... Why on earth would I get another credit card??  His answer: So you can build credit!

((Umm, I’m not a newbie dude....and if I was we wouldn’t be having this conversation….))

We'll give you 100 bucks ..... That'll pay for that pedicure you’re about to get and then some!!

((I didn’t even ask what the catch was…))

I say, "I just took out fifty….. I'm good."

((All I wanna do is see my family again.....))

OK Ms. Jefferson.... Well if you ever want to.......

WHOOOOSH!!!!

That was the sound of me rushing back through the maze of cubicles to daylight!!

Call me Shawshank!!

I still ain’t found my debit card though....... So if you don't hear from me again for another few weeks blogland...... Please come find me!!

Me-Shell-A