The Birthday Blog – 32 Lessons for 32 Years

Hellllloooooooo Blog-land!!! :0)

Shouts out to Diamond Suissa…..’cause I CLEARLY forgot about you guys! But I’m back like T.I.!! ANNNNNNDDDDDD I just celebrated a birthday!

WOOT!! SHOUTS OUT TO *MYSELF*!!

I was thinking about what I wanted to do for such an AUSPICIOUS occasion and get back in the game. Yep, when you’re grown, you can you use words like “auspicious” and people don’t look at you like you’re a weirdo! And I said to myself, “Self…we’ve picked up some nuggets in this short span of life, let’s share some of them with the people.” So here are 32 things…. in no special order….that I have learned about myself and/or life. If you don’t learn anything, hopefully you’ll at least get a chuckle at my expense.

1. I am AWESOME!
Yea….let’s get that out of the way first! I mean really, what’s not to love? I’m cute, I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m loving and I can balance a check book. If you don’t like me, there is clearly something wrong with you. CLEARLY! You might wanna have that looked at! :0)

2. The Power of NO.
It took me a minute…and I’m still working on it, but this is the best little super power in the world. Sometimes we try to do too much or we accept stuff that we got no business accepting. You do not have to do everything and you do not have to take everything that this crazy world tries to feed you. Just say NO, and keep it moving.

3. You know a tree by the fruit it produces
4. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
These two actually go together. People are not that hard to figure out. What does their life look like and what do they talk about ALLLLLL the time. Don’t get me wrong….they will test you because they think you’re retarded. You change jobs every 6 months. You complain ALL the time and EVERYBODY has done you wrong. You ready to pop cap if your mash potatoes are cold. You say you wanna be a husband but you got 15 kids and 13 baby momma’s. CLEARLY something is off, which brings us back to #2. Even if they are frontin’ like they got it together, you can only carry a lie so long. Eventually the truth will surface. You just gotta wait it out and pay attention.

5. Love Hard or Go Home.
There is no confusion in love that’s real. Love does not hurt. There are no questions. If there are……well….somebody needs to go home.

6. Plain M&M vs. Peanut M&M
I was having a convo with a friend and I said, “I know you thought I was gangster, but I really am a softee on the inside.” And he said, “Kinda like a plain M&M. ‘Cuz if you were a peanut M&M, you’d be hard in the center.” Truth. I am a Plain M&M – hard shell, soft center.

7. God Always Provides. Always.
Lose my Momma, get a Nanna. Lose my Nanna, get a family. Lose my job….jokes on you! I needed time off anyway (severance and unemployment is a beautiful thing). I honestly cannot think of anything that I’ve needed and did not get. WINNING!

8. Just because you don’t side with the devil, doesn’t mean you’re standing for God.
Sorry world, I hate to break it to you, but you actually have to make a choice. That “I’m a good person” business does not fly. When you’re ready to choose, email me….I’ll help you out.

9. Friends. How many of us have them?
I’ve been on so many roller coasters when it comes to friends. There were a few of us that went from 8th grade to the same high school. And as a freshman, my “best friend” told me, “Michelle, you can’t hang out with me as much. You need to make your own friends now.” Talk about scarred. So from high school to college, all I cared about was getting in and getting out. Thank God, He saw fit to save me from myself and gave me some truly solid people who haven’t gone anywhere. Even as an adult, “friend” is a word we use waaaay too loosely. I don’t care what Facebook tells you….you just cannot have 7,523 “friends.” Some folks are acquaintances. Some folks are glorified pen pals. Some folks are actually your enemy. If you have 1 or two for real for real FRIENDS, consider yourself lucky.

10. Family
Definitely not limited or defined by blood lines. I picked my own! Get like me!

11. Somebody is lying!
Go to school, get a good job, you’ll be secure! LIE! School, work, meet somebody nice, get married, have babies all before 30! LIE! This is a blog by itself…

12. Tell the truth so God can fix it
13. Tell the truth so when God DOES fix it, He can get the credit.
Basically, people front way too much. You’re life is not that great, and you are not that smart.

14. Will you help me?
That being said, I was a victim of #12. I hate asking for help. I’m the one who is supposed to “have it together”. However, I went through a stint where the poo really hit the fan and I didn’t have a choice. Now I can do #13!

15. I recognize my crazy.
I’m not going to tell you how or why I’m crazy! Silly Blog-land!! Just know that I already know that I am as crazy as a betsy bug! So if you ever meet me, do not be surprised.

16. I don’t hate you. I just love me more.
17. I love you. But I’m not required to like you.
18. Don’t sign up for crazy.
All magical words to live by!!! These have been my relationship/friendship/bad job/bad deal deliverances!!!! Hi-Ya!!! GLORAAYYYY!!!!! Be free Blog-land!!!! BE FREE!!!!!

19. You can be burned by the light, or warmed by it.
I am a card caring Christian. If they actually had a card, mine would be black, ‘cause I got it like that. That being said, I know my lifestyle draws people to me whether they are trying to or not. And when they get close, some run ‘cause they got burned, knowing they are not living right. ORRR, they get close enough and say, “Mmmmm…this is good. I think I’ll do it too.” I hope most folks choose door number 2, but neither is my problem nor my decision to make. My job is just to live the best I can.

20. In the grand scheme of life….
Whatever you’re worried about, ask yourself, “When I’m 85, will this matter?” Or my personal favorite, “Will I go to hell for this?” 9 times out of 10, the answer is probably ‘NO’. So see #21, make a decision and keep it moving.

21. Don’t be a Teeter Totter.
Paper or plastic. Yes or No. Chicken or Fish!! For Heaven’s sake Blog-land! Make up your mind! About anything!! Quit bein’ tissue paper. You can’t get nothing from the Lord being wishy-washy. That’s what the Bible say……but don’t quote me.

22. Shut up! (Or watch your mouth)
I get everything I say. From the house I’m in to the car I drive to the family I got adopted into…..I talked about all of it before I actually had it. I get everything I say…….and Sometimes I REALLLLYYYY just need to be quiet.

23. Nope. It’s You.
Every house you get burns down. Every relationship you get in has drama. Every job you get, you get fired. You are the common denominator. It’s not the haters or the man trying to keep you down. It’s you. Deal with yourself.

24. That has nothing to do with me.
People will put they stuff on you if you let them! Just because YOU experience something negative doesn’t mean *I* have to experience something negative.

25. I make up for thinking I’m right about everything by actually being right. About everything. Even if I’m wrong, I stand by it, so that makes me right.

26. I’m not lonely. I’m alone. There is a difference.

27. Too many withdrawals, Not enough deposits.
People are D-R-A-I-N-I-N-G!!! I know some folks who all they do is take – spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally. I can only take so much before I’m tapped out and I gotta fill back up. So if I’m mean to you, this is probably why. You’re in the red with me.

28. Quit watching the news,
There’s nothing good for you on the news. It only tells you the way things are, not the way they could be. I quit watching the news a long time ago and subsequently (another grown up word!) I am the happiest person I know.

29. Everybody can’t go.
30. Your life makes me mad. It shouldn’t. But it does.
So, I’ve learned that I am judgmental. (See #15…I just gave you one!) That being said, I get really upset when people close to me aren’t further along in life where I think they should be. It doesn’t have to be lonely at the top if people would just make the same decisions I made, DUH!!! However, in my vast 32 years of wisdom, I have learned that we all gotta make some choices. It doesn’t make me better, it just makes my path different and everybody can’t go where I’m going.

31. You are not that busy.
Especially if you are updating Facebook and Twitter on the regular. Hello!!! I can see you!!! People do EXACTLY what they WANT to do. At this point, when I hear “busy”, automatically the translation becomes “Michelle, I am selfish. Michelle I will not do XYZ for you. Michelle, I can not be counted on. Michelle I’m not that into you.” Got it.

32. My Momma stunted growth.
Sooo, I was on the bus one day and I saw this woman who looked just like my mom would have looked had she lived past the age of 44. I was so shook that I had to make up a joke to keep myself from crying on the CTA. So in my head, I decided that my momma stunted my growth with her cigarettes. I am 5’2 on a good day. However the women in my family are average height and a lot of the men are at least 6 ft. There’s no reason I should be this short! Cigarettes took my momma and took my height!! Anyway, by the time I got to my stop, I was giggling, so mission accomplished. I was listening to this minister on TV and he was saying how basically your whole life and where you are right now was programmed into you between the ages of 0 and 12. I thought about that time frame of my life: a major death of someone close to me, snatched from my hometown, dropped in a big city, friendship roller coasters. Not one positive image of male/female relationships. All of it definitely explains the “stunted growth” in many areas! The good news is that human beings are the only creatures on the planet that are “self programmable”! And Lord knows I’ve been doing what I can to change the input so I can change the output! I expect the next 32 years to be ridiculously FABULOUS!! :0)