Are You MFN Kidding Me??: Benched

Dear Blog land-

I am not a sports fan by any means. I can tolerate a football game or the 4th quarter of a basketball game during playoffs. I know the difference between a touchdown and a free throw. I know Dwayne Wade’s pretty cute.....but that's about the extent of my sports knowledge.

The only other thing I know is that somewhere on that field, court, or playing area is a bench. A bench full of eager, ready and willing players hoping and a-praying that coach let's them in the game.....

What does this have to do with the price of tea in China Me-Shell-A???

Well, I need to inform you that men are the coaches.....and you, Ladies, are the players on the bench!

GASP! I know..... This hurts me just as much as it hurts you.....

I was having a DEEP philosophical conversation with my friends about relationships. (‘cause really, what else is there to talk about?) Long story short, we were talking about men being "EXTRA" with females, with the knowledge that the likelihood of a relationship forming was slim to none. The male argument was that this is OK because she gets what she wants - attention from the opposite sex. And he gets what he wants - could be sex, could be his paper typed or that hole in his sock fixed.....depends on the parties involved. The female argument was that you can't string a woman along like that. Since I'm girl....you know where this is headed....

Fellas! Are You MFN Kidding Me?!?! You and I both know that we ladies are a little emotional and a tad bit off the deep end…no matter how NORMAL we may seem. We've got the whole relationship planned in our heads as soon as you say “hi”. Somewhere in the universe there is a balled up piece of paper with the phone number to a good mechanic, a math problem adding up how much my girlfriend owes me for dinner, and my name first and your name last... Over and over and over again....

You know....just to try it on for size... and just in case I have to sign autographs.

Heck!! I've even fantasized our break up and who gets the kids!!! But I'm weird like that.....hence, the existence of this here blog. My issues have to be funnier to more people besides myself.

Anyway, let’s explore some reasons why “players” get benched in the first place…..as stated by the Softballchannel.com.

((did she for real do research?? yea….I got it like that….I keep telling you people I can’t make this stuff up!))

1. Miscalculated value to the team: Meaning you snuck up on him!! He thought you were a chicken head….but lo and behold!! You’re cute, funny, smart, and you can put air in your own tire!! Unfortunately, he is not ready and cannot deal with you right now….therefore, you must ride the pine.

2. Injury: Not you….him! And not his body….his ego. Male ego…very fragile!!! You probably said or did something to hurt his little feelings…..not enough to be kicked off the team ('cause you still fine), but enough for him not to wanna deal with you on the regular.

3. Team is winning easily: The dating world is a numbers game right now. If he halfway look good and is halfway employed, some woman will sign up for all of his BS. We know it…They know it. Until he figures out that there is more to life than sowing his oats……watch out for splinters.

4. Team is losing: He’s got more important things on his plate at the moment than dating you. He just got laid off, his babymommas is actin’ crazy, he cracked his tooth playing basketball and he got a speeding ticket…..you are not on the totem pole….you might as well cop a squat.

5. ATITTUDE: I’m not gon’ dig into this too much. Ladies you already know! Check your finger snaps and your neck rolls at the door.

6. You don’t mesh well: Sometimes things just don’t work out! Some “players” perform better under the style of certain “coaches”. It happens. Instead of wasting time, somebody needs to be mature enough to say “this is not working.”

As someone who has been benched, I can tell you it’s not fun. (Once simultaneously by two different “coaches”, but that’s a different blog for a different day.) I’ve learned that all I can do is control me. And I can’t promise that I won’t be ridin’ the pine again as I wonder if Mr. Right Now will figure it out ….but I can say that I’m looking for a whole new game….one on one! Nobody rides the pine if we’re BOTH playing to win.