Fake Sticky Fingaz

In an effort to stay somewhat consistent with my blog……I’ve decided to share with you an oldie, but a goodie. Being a single female has lead to some very funny / scary / annoying encounters. This was originally an email to a couple of friends that I have made “blog friendly”.  Believe it or not….the homies sometime save my rantings and ravings.....Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks my romantic life is a joke!

Now you get to be in on it too….. =)

I was getting gas last night….minding my own business…and Sticky Fingaz from ONYX tried to holla at me. Of course it wasn’t the REAL Sticky Fingaz….but here is your visual aid so you can follow along. Now take the Real Sticky Fingaz…make him 3 shades darker, significantly less money, and experiencing a state of intoxication of some sort and you will have my proceeding conversation with Fake Sticky Fingaz (FSF).

FSF: Excuse me! Hey excuse me….
Me: Ok....let me call you back Erica….
FSF: Hey….can I talk to you for a second…..what’s your name?
Me: Michelle
FSF: Can I get your phone number?
Me: No
FSF: Can I give you my phone number?
Me: No
FSF: Why not?
Me: Because I’m not going to call you.
FSF: Why not?
Me: How do you know I don’t have somebody?
FSF: Do you have somebody?
Me: That should have been your first question.
FSF: Do you have somebody?
Me: No
FSF: So can I call you? Take you out? Lunch, Dinner, a movie…..
Me: Whatever I want huh?
FSF: Yep whatever you want!!!
Me: How old are you? 
(I thought he was a baby…..that’s who I normally get approached by since people think I’m 12….I’m a grown MFN woman people!!!)

FSF: I’m 30! (he said it all hard knock…like I better recognize!!)
Me: Really…you don’t look 30…you look younger….except for that gray hair in your chin.
FSF: How old are you?
Me: I’m 29.
FSF: I’M 30!! (with just as much hard knockness as when he said it 5 seconds prior)
Me: What’s your name?
FSF: My name O-Mazing. (I guess if I had really paid attention to his black spray painted hoodie, I would have figured that out.)
Me: O-Mazing?!?!? That is not your name. What is your government name?
FSF: My name is Orlando…Orlando White.
Me: Nice to meet you Orlando.
FSF: So you coming from work?
Me: No, I went to a friend’s house to watch a movie.  And I really need you to back up ‘cause you’re in my bubble …..
FSF: (backing up) I’m sorry ….What movie?
Me: 300. (Yea..I’m late in the game….sue me!)
FSF: I got a movie coming out!!!

(this is where it gets funny)

Me: Really now?
FSF: It’s based on the book I wrote.

(O M G!!!!)

Me: So you have a book AND a movie coming out?? What’s it called?

And I cannot remember the name of this “movie/book” to save my soul.  Something like Fear of the Whites….WHATEVER!  Then we spent 5 seconds of my life repeating the title back
and forth and him pointing to the white gas pump like it was ME who really didn’t understand the word “white.”

Me: So what’s it about? You wrote it? Starring in it? What?

FSF: Well see….. (I think any time a man starts with the words “well see…” it’s the beginning of the most gianormous lie you’ve ever heard) ..…Over here we live in this circle of fear. And over here…this is the circle of love. I’m Dr. White.

He repeated that same phrase like two or three times and that’s what the “book/movie” is all about.  I can’t make this stuff up.

Me: Wow….OK. Well………….I’m going to Google you when I get home.
FSF: The book’s not out yet!! It’ll be out in 3 weeks.
Me: OK. I’m going to Google you in three weeks.
FSF: So can I call you?
Me: No
FSF: Can you take my number down?
Me: OK….what is it. (Gives me his number) OK…well, Orlando you have a good night.
FSF: Hey wait….you forgot to give me your number!!!
Me: No I didn’t.

I get in my car, call Erica (the BFF) back and proceed to drive all up and through Oak Park for the next 10-15 minutes just in case Fake Sticky Fingaz had the bright idea of following me.

I never realized how long it takes to get gas…..